No Words...

There are no words to describe the beauty I was surrounded by for the last couple weeks, which is why I am posting these pictures.

From Canada

To Colorado 

Thank you Gogi and Auntie G. for your generosity and outpouring of love. 

I had some of the best days of my life. 

Little Less Than a Week...

I have little less than a week left of my vacation. A vacation which has brought joy, happiness, and serenity to my soul.

I can't even begin to explain the laughter and love I have experienced every minute of this trip. But when I return home, I hope to share some of the photos with you that I have taken along the way. Photos that will give you a glimpse of where I have been and what I will take with me as I continue to move forward in my life.

On September 3rd I will be celebrating my 28th birthday...and I have a feeling it will be my best year yet.

Maybe...Maybe Not

Two days ago, I received a text from my EH. Something he needed to have me do right away so he can be "over and done with this." The problem is, I really had no time. With work and getting ready for this vacation I am leaving on in a couple hours, I didn't have the time it would take me to do it all.

The thing is, I haven't heard from him in 2 months, and the first thing I get is a text demanding something he needs done. I didn't get a how are you doing, so sorry to rush this favor on you, hope all is well...no instead I get a text that in the end comes off as rude.

I bet if you were to ask him he would think what he sent was totally fine. And I understand texts sometimes are the worst way to communicate, which is why it would have been better for him to call. But what he doesn't understand about his text is that sometimes the things you neglect to say, the civil hellos and how are you doings, the lack of that is what is rude.

I wanted to tell him that although I understand why he left me, the person I am today, the person who has given him his space and been a supporter of his happiness, that person doesn't deserve this treatment.

I couldn't get it done. And he will have to wait until I get back from my vacation. And in the future maybe he won't wait until the last minute to communicate his needs. And maybe in the future he will be more courteous. Maybe...maybe not.

It seems when it comes to me, he just can't seem to bring himself to do that. I really pray one day he lets go of all the hatred that has consumed his poor little heart. This wasn't the man I married, and the man I married was pretty incredible.

4 More Days...

The days leading up to a vacation can sometimes be the most stressful. What to pack, making sure all the bills are paid, finishing up work, actually packing, and the list goes on. But I can't wait for the moment when I let myself completely relax and am far removed from the life I am living right now.

Through out this process, I have not allowed myself to escape. I really am determined to face this journey head on so that I can heal sooner rather than later. But for two weeks, two weeks I am going to allow myself to escape. And I can't wait.

4 more days, that's all I have until I leave. 4 days and I'll be in mental paradise.

Coke Zero...

There are times I get so down on myself for being weak and wanting my EH back in my life. And  this happens because of two reasons. The first, because I have many people in my life who ask me time and time and again why I would want someone who doesn't love me back in my life. Which when asked makes me feel like I must be a masochist; someone asking for heartbreak and pain. Secondly,  I have this picture in my head how I should be progressing in my healing process and when it doesn't go according to plan I question my own strength. I wonder how strong can someone be when they are crying as much as I do.

What I need to remind myself is that crying and/or wanting my EH back in my life, doesn't make me weak, rather it's a measure of my love for the husband I once had and an indication of the healing that is taking place within and the healing that remains. Wanting him to envelop me into a huge bear hug and tell me everything is going to be okay, reminds me of the trust and security I once felt with someone. And it is something I hope to find again one day.

This road I am journeying down isn't going to be overnight. It's been 3 years since I have had a soda, and every day these last 3 years I have craved a Coke Zero. It is ridiculous for me to think I shouldn't want my EH back in my life right now, seeing as though my love and bond with him was much more than a Coke. And there's a high probability I will always want him back in my life in some way or another. Just like I want my Coke Zero.

Breaking Up...

So after much consideration and with a sadness in my heart, I have decided that in the best interest for my emotional wellness I am going to have to break up with Adele.

Your songs, although helped me through the most difficult times in the beginning of this journey, only bring me back to a very dark place these days.

I promise Adele, it's not you, it's me. One day I believe I will be able to bring you back into my life but for now I am going to have to say goodbye. I promise there is someone else out there who needs you more than me right now.

Just know, you will always hold a special place in my heart. And thank you for being there when I needed you most.