The long and short of it...

When my EH said he wanted a divorce, I held out hope that we could really work on our marriage. He really hadn't given me an explanation other than we wanted different things...which as I mentioned in my first post ended up being drinking, where to live, and when to have children. Nonetheless, when he first mentioned the BIG D word, I immediately thought, "It's my hair isn't it?"

Now if you know me you know I change my hair with every season...and sometimes more. But last year I decided that I wanted long beautiful extensions. And let me tell you, they were so much fun. In high school I had decided to not be attached to my hair, but with those extensions I did feel some kind of wonderful. And I wasn't afraid to brag about it. I had been at my friend's baby shower and my girlfriend and I were talking about my long gorgeous hair. I told you I had no shame.

Well later that month my girlfriend was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. "That's it," I thought, "I'm chopping it off!"  My girlfriend didn't ask me to and I didn't need to, but those extensions represented someone and something I was not. And when I was having a bad day I wanted to be able to look in the mirror and know that my girlfriend is battling something much worse. That if she can be strong so can I.

To say my EH was shocked is an understatement. He has always loved my hair, but the short hair took him for a surprise. He said he loved it but I do wonder if it was my hair that set us on this path. And if not that hair cut, surely it must be when I let my amazingly wonderful hairstylist at the time shave one side of my head and dye it purple.

I'm telling you, your mind can be ridiculous in situations like these. If I really sit and think about it, my hair has had nothing to do with our relationship. Hair is just hair. And when I start to think of how awful my situation is, I do look in the mirror and remind myself of all the people, young and old, in this world who are battling much worse situations.

And that is not to say that what I am going through should be minimized. It sucks. And it's a big thing for me to deal with. And it's serious. But I'm not the only one battling something. And I HAVE to remember that. I HAVE to remember I am not alone.

My second thought was, "Thank God I lost 50 lbs.!" But I'll save that for another post!