Sparkletts...

Okay, let me start off by saying this post may just end up being another one of those guess you had to be there moments, so hopefully I can describe to all of you the disaster that I was faced with yesterday. And by disaster, I mean the 40 something year old Sparkletts salesman that hit on me while at work.

There I was, by myself, working at one of my jobs, when in walked this Sparkletts salesman there to see my boss. I let him know that he wasn't there but that I could take a message. So I did. He wanted to let my boss know that a buddy of theirs was retiring. If that hadn't revealed his age, the greying hair and visor he wore were pretty much a dead giveaway.

He asked me my story. Right away I knew this wasn't going in the direction I had wanted, which was him leaving. I told him briefly that I was in the midst of a divorce and living with my parents. Bad mistake...never engage. I thought the divorce would make him back off; he took it as an invitation.

Sparkletts man: You're cute...like you're cute.
Me: Oh thank you, that's nice.
SM: Doesn't it make you feel good to know that men still find you desirable and that we want you?

(HUH?!?!?!) 

Me: Ya I guess so...
SM: I call it like it is, you're cute. I'm just saying. I dig the pink  hair.
Me: (nervous WTF laugh) well I do like to change my hair...
SM: That's hot, that's really hot. It would be like dating a different girl, with every new hair color.
Me: Ya, I guess??
SM: So what do you do for fun?
Me: Well, I work two jobs, so I don't have time to do much, except for working out.
SM: Ya I noticed that. I noticed when I first saw you, you have a great shape.

(Mind you I was wearing a boxy sweater....and I was sitting behind a desk.) 

Me: Oh well thank you.
SM: But like for fun, what do you do?  A girl's gotta have fun. I can buy you drinks, we can go to dinner, maybe breakfast...
Me: Well I don't think I'm ready to date quite yet.
SM: I'm not asking to go to bed with you...I mean in a couple weeks I'd be expecting that. But like, not now.
Me: (nervous WTF laugh)

(SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?! Did he think this was going to win me over?!?!?!)

SM: Do you like to dance?
Me: Sure, I'm not the best dancer, but I like to, it's fun.
SM: I mean I'm a pretty good dancer for a white guy. Shiiiiiiit I learned my moves from Soul Train.

(Soul Train...another clue to how old he was and if he thought I was going to be riding his soul train, he was going to be disappointed.)

Me: Oh well that's fun.
(Phone rings, thank you God)
SM: Saved by the phone, you are probably like OMG (yes he said O-M-G) who is this guy talking to me. Go ahead you can answer the phone.
Me: (nervous laugh, answer phone)

(I was hoping he'd leave, but I was wrong.)

SM: So like what is it going to take for you to go out with me. Like what do I have to do?
Me: ....
SM: I live in Ventura right on the beach.
Me: Oh that's nice.
SM: I mean I live in a studio, so when you come over I don't want you expecting much.
Me: ....
SM: So really what is it going to take?
Me: Well I just don't know if I'm ready right now.

(Phone Rings. He doesn't leave.)

SM: So here's my number. I put my name on there. My mom always said you can tell if a girl likes you, because they ask your name. I know your name because you answered the phone and said it, but you didn't ask my name.
Me: You already gave it to me when I wrote down your message for my boss. Soooo....
SM: Well, don't make me come back and have to ask your boss why you didn't call.
Me: Like I said, don't be offended when I don't call, I'm just not ready.
SM: Don't worry I wouldn't tell (motioning to my boss' door) when something happens between us. I keep that stuff very private.
Me: Good to know I guess...
SM: So I'll be waiting for your call. It was nice meeting you. And like I said you're really cute and I call like it like it is and I'd like to take you out.
Me: Yup, nice meeting you too.

That my friends was the disaster I was faced with yesterday. A disaster in the form of a Sparkletts salesman. I couldn't make it up if I tried. It can only get better right???? I really hope so.