So Long...

11 days since my last post. It's amazing sometimes to think that 11 days have come and gone and now I am left with memories.

This last weekend Bear came to visit. He met my family, friends, co-workers...really everyone who is important to me in my life. Of course there were some special people in my life he has yet to meet, but as far as a weekend trip goes, he met quite a few.

I think one of the best moments when in a long distance relationship, are those first hellos. When they come off the plane, and suddenly they are in your arms...yes those are the moments that are truly incredible.

Subsequently, one of the most difficult moments when in a a long distance relationship, are the good-byes.

When I said good-bye to Bear yesterday, I realized how badly I wanted to be able to slow down time. I thought about how quickly the weekend went by and how if maybe I had just stopped for a moment or two, I could have made time go by a little more slowly than it did.

Of course that's not possible, especially when you are having so much fun. But when I see him again, I am going to make an effort to not let the moments fly by...to really breathe deeply and slow myself down. I may not be able to slow time, but I can make myself take a minute or two to appreciate all that is happening with us.

And instead of good-bye...I think I'm going to take a chapter out of my great-grandmother's book and say "So Long," which has less finality to it. That being said...so long Bear...until we meet again.

Allow It...

Change...what does change really mean for your life? For me, it means growth. I know I've said it before, but I think it's worth repeating again. When you are thrown into uncomfortable situations, I believe, you grow. Well...let me reword that. When I am thrown into an uncomfortable situation, I tend to grow as a person.

Especially when the situation is unfamiliar. Whether it's divorce, a shift at work, a new relationship, whatever the situation that I may be faced with, unexpected or expected, there is one thing I can be sure of when facing those moments head on. I will grow. I will learn something new about myself.

And in the end I am left being a stronger, more intuitive, person.

When we remove doubt and fear from the equation, the decisions we make are rooted from a positive space.

I used to doubt the decisions I made that led me to where I am today. I used to think it would have been better if I never dated my EH...if I never married him. And when I expressed this to the therapist I saw right after I was initially told I was being divorced, she told me that in order to stop doubting myself and regretting my past, I would need to start understanding that the decisions I made that led me where I am today were the best decisions I could have made for myself at that moment.

Looking at my past now, I am grateful for everything I have been through. Because my past has led me to where I am today. And I am pretty happy about who and where I am today...and by pretty happy, I really mean I am extremely happy of who and where I am today. 

So for all of you experiencing change in your life...embrace it. Be comforted by the fact that growth is on the horizon, if you allow it to be. 

So Much More...

I love how music can transform and take on a different meaning depending on what your situation is.

During the beginning stages of my divorce process, I would listen to music that I felt I could absolutely relate to, that would bring me to tears.

But those same songs seem to have transformed into something completely different for me now that I am with Bear. It's as if the lyrics I once listened to which brought on so much sadness, well...they now bring hope and love into this life of mine.

For example, I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz...I use to believe that song was written for me and my EH.

When I listen to it now, I just think of Bear.  With all that the two of us have been through...these words mean so much more.

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.

Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Aware...

Things with Bear are going great. He's coming down to visit towards the beginning of May and then I am going to go to him for Memorial Day weekend.

Not being near each other makes it difficult, but I definitely appreciate the moments we get to spend together, which is why I really want to be the best version of myself for Bear. I want him to know how much I appreciate him.

I'm grateful for having written this blog. It reminds me of where I was, mistakes I made, and what I want to do differently this time around. I don't want to slip back into the same patterns, repeat the sometimes poor choices I made, and the negative reactions I had to situations.

I don't suspect I will, but of course I want to be aware.

On another note, today is my brother in law's birthday. And I am so thankful for having him in my life. He was there to hold me during some of my darkest moments. He has brought so much laughter and joy into my life. And he is probably one of the most talented people I have ever met. Happy Birthday G.!! Thank you for being the best brother in law a girl could ask for and thank you for making my sister so happy and being such an incredible dad to T. and soon to be D. : )

Sick...

If there is one thing I hate, it's being sick. I absolutely refuse to believe I am getting sick, or am sick even if it means I am coughing up a lung.

I truly believe in mind over matter, and most times can talk myself out of being sick.

Unfortunately I was not able to this time.

I usually try as best as I can to rest, take care of myself, and load myself up with vitamins, but it seems this cold has a way of taking over.

I couldn't take off work, but ultimately had to take off working out...which is when I really know I am sick.

The good thing is, I won't be sick for long and in a couple days I will feel just as great as I did before. And that is something I am looking forward to.

Simply Put...

First off, I love Washington. What a beautiful state and Seattle...well that is a city I could absolutely fall in love with.

I had so much fun with Bear this weekend. From the moment I saw him in the airport, I knew I was right where I needed to be. From the sunflower he bought me...which by the way are my most absolute favorite flower, to the gluten free chocolate cake he had waiting for me back at his place,  the weekend was off to an amazing start.

I tried to soak up every moment I possibly could with him and live very much in the present, because I knew that as soon as I returned home, my mind would wander to him. And as such, I wanted to think back to this incredible weekend.

I think what I like most about Bear, is his complete honesty. And after this weekend, I've come to realize that he is going to be in my life for a very long time. He's the type of person you want by your side, the type of person who you are proud to call a friend.

Simply put, he's my Bear.

Best Part...

Tomorrow I am off for a new adventure.

I treasure these moments of my life. Excitement, uncertainty, all emotions that make me grow.

I love knowing that by the end of this weekend, I will have learned something new about myself.

And of course I can't wait to see Bear. Ya...that will be the best part.