Something Else...

I know I've mentioned it before, but it's amazing how in one moment you can feel as amazing as ever and in the next as low as you have ever felt.

Today I had to sign and notarize my divorce papers for the second time. Comparatively to the last time, this go around I didn't feel quite the emotional turmoil.

I have been riding on a high ever since having the most magical day at Disneyland, which included visiting Walt Disney's apartment. So no sadness while signing the papers for this girl.

No the emotional breakdown came hours later, when I was reprimanded for using a towel not of my own. Typically I would have laughed at such an absurdity. Because honestly in the grand scheme of things a towel is just a towel and in no way did I deserve a tongue lashing. But bottle that with having to sign the divorce papers today and realizing I am still alone, it got to me. And the flood gates were opened.

I believe the real issue comes down to not feeling good enough. That I can't do anything right at that moment. Do I feel this way always? No. But in these little moments, all of my self doubt comes bubbling to the surface and instead of taking a deep breath and letting it go, I can't help but cry.

Of course, 30 minutes later the tears are no longer there and I feel semi ridiculous for not standing my ground and saying to myself, "Self, let it go. Don't let it get to you. Obviously there is something else going on with that person that has nothing to do with you, and all you have to do is smile and be happy."

Maybe next time...because I guarantee there will be a next time. Probably not with a towel, but something else, that is for sure.