So Much More...

I love how music can transform and take on a different meaning depending on what your situation is.

During the beginning stages of my divorce process, I would listen to music that I felt I could absolutely relate to, that would bring me to tears.

But those same songs seem to have transformed into something completely different for me now that I am with Bear. It's as if the lyrics I once listened to which brought on so much sadness, well...they now bring hope and love into this life of mine.

For example, I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz...I use to believe that song was written for me and my EH.

When I listen to it now, I just think of Bear.  With all that the two of us have been through...these words mean so much more.

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.

Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Aware...

Things with Bear are going great. He's coming down to visit towards the beginning of May and then I am going to go to him for Memorial Day weekend.

Not being near each other makes it difficult, but I definitely appreciate the moments we get to spend together, which is why I really want to be the best version of myself for Bear. I want him to know how much I appreciate him.

I'm grateful for having written this blog. It reminds me of where I was, mistakes I made, and what I want to do differently this time around. I don't want to slip back into the same patterns, repeat the sometimes poor choices I made, and the negative reactions I had to situations.

I don't suspect I will, but of course I want to be aware.

On another note, today is my brother in law's birthday. And I am so thankful for having him in my life. He was there to hold me during some of my darkest moments. He has brought so much laughter and joy into my life. And he is probably one of the most talented people I have ever met. Happy Birthday G.!! Thank you for being the best brother in law a girl could ask for and thank you for making my sister so happy and being such an incredible dad to T. and soon to be D. : )

Sick...

If there is one thing I hate, it's being sick. I absolutely refuse to believe I am getting sick, or am sick even if it means I am coughing up a lung.

I truly believe in mind over matter, and most times can talk myself out of being sick.

Unfortunately I was not able to this time.

I usually try as best as I can to rest, take care of myself, and load myself up with vitamins, but it seems this cold has a way of taking over.

I couldn't take off work, but ultimately had to take off working out...which is when I really know I am sick.

The good thing is, I won't be sick for long and in a couple days I will feel just as great as I did before. And that is something I am looking forward to.

Simply Put...

First off, I love Washington. What a beautiful state and Seattle...well that is a city I could absolutely fall in love with.

I had so much fun with Bear this weekend. From the moment I saw him in the airport, I knew I was right where I needed to be. From the sunflower he bought me...which by the way are my most absolute favorite flower, to the gluten free chocolate cake he had waiting for me back at his place,  the weekend was off to an amazing start.

I tried to soak up every moment I possibly could with him and live very much in the present, because I knew that as soon as I returned home, my mind would wander to him. And as such, I wanted to think back to this incredible weekend.

I think what I like most about Bear, is his complete honesty. And after this weekend, I've come to realize that he is going to be in my life for a very long time. He's the type of person you want by your side, the type of person who you are proud to call a friend.

Simply put, he's my Bear.

Best Part...

Tomorrow I am off for a new adventure.

I treasure these moments of my life. Excitement, uncertainty, all emotions that make me grow.

I love knowing that by the end of this weekend, I will have learned something new about myself.

And of course I can't wait to see Bear. Ya...that will be the best part.

Smitten...

So one week from today I'll be going to Washington to visit Bear.

I joke that after this weekend we'll see if he still likes me, but part of me is worried.

Worried because we had an amazing weekend together, but who knows maybe I'm not going to be the person he remembers me to be.

That's the thing about getting to know someone and liking someone. There are many doubts. I try to not let them creep into my head, but unfortunately sometimes I find they've already nestled their way in there.

It's a little terrifying to like someone and to wonder what it is they really think about you. So that's where I am...completely smitten with Bear, and sort of trying to figure out what it is he thinks about me.

Of course, it would be much better if I just stopped thinking and just enjoyed every moment.

Most Likely Me...

There's something about dancing that makes me so incredibly happy. My two sisters are unbelievable dancers.

Many years ago, I had taken a class with my older sister and I didn't have my contacts in. We were wearing identical outfits...yes even at 16 and 18. When I looked in the mirror I found myself in awe of how well I was dancing. And I began to dance harder than before. And every time I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I was amazed at how awesome I was...turns out I was looking at my sister.

I can only imagine what I looked like, but it taught me a great lesson...don't hold back. Especially when it comes to dancing. 

And so, whenever I feel stressed or anxious, I tend to bust out some moves. It really makes me slow down in life and enjoy the moment.

You'll often find me dancing at work...and not just a little jig here and there, but full out dancing.

You'll also most likely find me to be the first on a dance floor if there so happens to be one where I'm at.

I'm not the best dancer...not the worst. But I do enjoy it. So if you ever see some crazy girl dancing away to the beat of her own drum, it's most likely me.