What I Love Most...

This last weekend I got to spend some time with Bear's family.

What I love most, about both of our families, is their ability to love so easily and to accept Bear and myself into their welcoming arms.

When Bear's dad hugs me, I feel just as comforted and loved by him as I do with Bear.

And when his mom, sisters, and their spouses are standing around, I don't feel like I am an outsider looking in. I know that because Bear loves me, they are opening their hearts up to me as well.

And the same goes for my family. When we returned to my parents' house, the smile on both of their faces was priceless. They were so happy to have us home.

Love radiates between the two families. And the fact that all of them are willing to open up after all that has happened in the past, is quite incredible.

Stirred Up...

Life is flying by.

I guess it's a good thing to know that I am busy with family and friends...spending time with Bear...loving my new job, that as a result this blog is taking a back seat. Of course I don't want it to be and I am determined to make this something I don't just do to fill some time.

In all honesty this blog is a chronicle of my  journey from darkness into light. A way to remind me of where I have been and how far I've come. Especially when my past comes back to bite me in the butt.

This last week and weekend for example. Boy did my past come back full force. And not in the form of memories, but in emotion. Old emotions of frustration and anger being stirred up.

Of course Bear was right there to support me. Guide me through what was reality versus what was my past.

Which of course leads me to worry.  Silly things like, will Bear get tired of having to be that support?

I say silly because Bear has already shown me that he won't do things he doesn't want to do. He's shown me he is someone who believes that in a relationship support is necessary in order to have a successful relationship.

It's truly amazing to me sometimes what a difference this relationship is. How healthy, and loving it is. The honesty that makes up our building blocks. That each day Bear and I are better than before.

Compliment...

Wow...2 weeks.

Two weeks have gone by since I have posed on here. It feels that so much has gone by...the start of my new career. Learning all that I can so that I can be the best, most effective manager possible with my team.

I've also been inspired to try new things and return to old...yoga, CrossFit, running. It's all apart of my journey.

And at the same time, my relationship with Bear is stronger each day. We have so much fun together, but more importantly we are consistently learning and working on how to communicate with each other. His honesty is a quality I admire and love so much, and his ability to understand my needs in trying times and not trying times, makes him the perfect partner for me, especially at this time in my life.

When I use to think about the type of person I would need to compliment my temperament, my personality, he is that person. And it feels amazing to not have settled.

Vision...

This last Saturday was the last day at a job I had been at for two years. It was difficult to say goodbye to my team and to a company that was there for me during some of my most difficult days. I loved what I was doing but I needed more balance in my life and where I am working now will allow me that.

It is also a place that will encourage me to go after my goals...to create a vision and do what is necessary to achieve that vision.

Today was my first day and it was nothing short of amazing. I have already been challenged in ways I wasn't expecting.

I am blessed to have this opportunity and I can't wait to see how I evolve. This is an exciting journey, and I can't wait to share it with you all.

Fear of the Future...

There are a lot of things that come up in my relationship with Bear, that have me thinking I want to work on that.

One of them being the occasional feeling that all of this will end one day. For obvious reasons, my mind sometimes spirals and lands on the notion that Bear is going to leave me in the future.

It's true I don't what the future holds for either one of us, but to live with the idea that it will most definitely end only creates more chaos in the present day.

I've been given no reason to believe he will leave, only that the past has shown me life is unpredictable that way.

It's something I'm working on...not living in fear of what will happen in the future, but enjoying what I know to be true now. We are in love, having fun, and living life to its fullest.

My Failure...

I was recently asked in an interview to talk about something I have failed out and what I was able to learn from it. The company I was interviewing for embraces failure as they believe much growth can come out of it.

It was an easy answer.

My marriage.

It was probably the first thing I had really truly failed at. Of course there were the occasional tests I didn't do so well on in grade school...but none of those tests taught me anything other than I needed to study more.

No, my marriage was the first thing I really had failed at. And it taught me so much about myself, about what I want in a partner, what I'm not willing to give up...it taught me to live in happiness and to understand and know what balance can do for my life.

They are right, my failure has led to my growth and subsequently many successes.

Equation...

The last two days were amazing. I finally got caught up on life; spent time with not only my family and Bear, but a few of my friends and more importantly took time for me.

With the road trip, my birthday, the wedding and work I haven't had the time to really sit and be still...to meditate and quiet the mind. But it's extremely important, and so with two days off I finally found the time.

It was a beautiful reminder for me to make sure when I think about balancing my lifestyle, that I include myself into that equation. And that I never lose sight of that.