A month has come and gone...
I don't know what it is but every day I think about what it is I want to share with all of you and then I realize I'm a little stuck.
Even now as I stare at the keyboard I don't know what to write or say. So much has gone on, but I almost feel all these amazing, wonderful things are happening to the people I love, and yet my life isn't quite moving forward in the direction that I want it to.
I'm not even sure what that direction is, but I know I'm not heading there right now. I keep putting one foot in front of the other, still working on goals...but I feel stagnant.
I'm working hard, preparing for my big trip to Denmark and Ireland...oh
yes it's happening in November.
So I don't know why I feel stuck or stagnant, when so much is happening in my life. But I do.
I'm looking forward to my vacation with Bear, as I think it will help clear my mind and I will be able to refocus on what it is I want/need right now.
Showing posts with label Routine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Routine. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Am I Making It Count?...
5 times I sat down to write about what was going on in my life. And each time I ended up walking away from the computer unable to write was I was feeling.
This last month was a whirlwind, mostly consumed with closing down the project I had been working on all Summer.
Couple that with balancing a relationship with Bear, my family and friends, and I just felt overwhelmed by everything I was feeling.
And to top it off, I turned 30 yesterday.
It's not that 30 is old. But when I was in my 20s I felt I had all the time in the world to start a family. I wasn't even actually in a rush to get married, that is something EH wanted more than me. When I was in my 20s, I would often think, "Oh I've got 10-15 years before I need to start thinking about that."
When you turn 30 that 10-15 years is now just a mere 5 years. A lot can happen in 5 years, but a lot can not happen in 5 years.
I didn't always make the most out of my 20s, and what I know now is that I need to make every moment, every day count. At the end of each day I keep wondering if I am really doing that.
And I don't know that I am. But I will continue to try.
This last month was a whirlwind, mostly consumed with closing down the project I had been working on all Summer.
Couple that with balancing a relationship with Bear, my family and friends, and I just felt overwhelmed by everything I was feeling.
And to top it off, I turned 30 yesterday.
It's not that 30 is old. But when I was in my 20s I felt I had all the time in the world to start a family. I wasn't even actually in a rush to get married, that is something EH wanted more than me. When I was in my 20s, I would often think, "Oh I've got 10-15 years before I need to start thinking about that."
When you turn 30 that 10-15 years is now just a mere 5 years. A lot can happen in 5 years, but a lot can not happen in 5 years.
I didn't always make the most out of my 20s, and what I know now is that I need to make every moment, every day count. At the end of each day I keep wondering if I am really doing that.
And I don't know that I am. But I will continue to try.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Pushed Back...
There are so many amazing things about my job...one of them is creating a vision for myself 10 years from today and then setting goals for myself.
This month I will be accomplishing a goal I had set for myself in 5 years. As for my goals for this year, I have been crushing them left and right, however becoming a certified personal trainer may have to be pushed back a couple months.
I am dedicated to putting 100% in all the work I do, and after being given an incredible opportunity to manage a store with my company, I know I won't be able to put the focus I need into my studying. But I'm okay with that.
By recognizing my limitations and setting my goal for another by-when (the date at which the goal needs to be accomplished) I will be able to put the love and dedication I believe each of these deserve.
I can't say the decision was easy. I sat there staring at my NASM book, knowing that I wasn't focused on what I was reading and getting frustrated that the material wasn't sticking with me. I kept thinking, how am I going to pass this test. And then it hit me.
I wasn't going to pass it. Because my mind was on opening a store and not on the material I was reading. I was upset with myself at first for not being able to do both. And it took me a couple weeks to get to the place where I could even admit to myself that I had to push the test date back. But I got there.
And what I've learned through this process, is that it's OK to be flexible and adjust goals accordingly. My goal of being a personal trainer isn't going by the wayside. It's still there. And having this opportunity to manage a store is going to help me in eventually manage my personal training business.
This month I will be accomplishing a goal I had set for myself in 5 years. As for my goals for this year, I have been crushing them left and right, however becoming a certified personal trainer may have to be pushed back a couple months.
I am dedicated to putting 100% in all the work I do, and after being given an incredible opportunity to manage a store with my company, I know I won't be able to put the focus I need into my studying. But I'm okay with that.
By recognizing my limitations and setting my goal for another by-when (the date at which the goal needs to be accomplished) I will be able to put the love and dedication I believe each of these deserve.
I can't say the decision was easy. I sat there staring at my NASM book, knowing that I wasn't focused on what I was reading and getting frustrated that the material wasn't sticking with me. I kept thinking, how am I going to pass this test. And then it hit me.
I wasn't going to pass it. Because my mind was on opening a store and not on the material I was reading. I was upset with myself at first for not being able to do both. And it took me a couple weeks to get to the place where I could even admit to myself that I had to push the test date back. But I got there.
And what I've learned through this process, is that it's OK to be flexible and adjust goals accordingly. My goal of being a personal trainer isn't going by the wayside. It's still there. And having this opportunity to manage a store is going to help me in eventually manage my personal training business.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Valentine's Day 2014...
2 years ago I almost wrote a post about what it was like moving back into my parents home and putting all of my belongings into storage.
I mentioned it a couple times, but not to the extent I could have written about it. At the time, it was difficult to put into words what it felt like seeing everything boxed up and not knowing when I'd be seeing those things again.
Of course I was always able to go to my storage unit, open those boxes and sort through my little treasures...but after doing that once and realizing what a sad sight it was I only went in there a handful of times.
2 years...it's been almost 2 years since my couch, my pictures, my dishes, some of my favorite things, have been able to breathe.
On Valentine's Day Bear and I moved into our own place, which also meant on Valentine's Day I was able to unpack my boxes from storage.
The feeling was amazing. Just being able to see everything I love and hold dear to my heart in the apartment brought so much enjoyment and love to my day. There were some things I realized I was missing from when I moved down 2 years ago. And although I wish I had them, they are all things I can buy...things that over time I will see again.
And Bear, well Bear is incredible. Not just his moving skills, but who he is. He has the kindest heart and he is the most loving person. And his moving skills were amazing. We moved everything ourselves...even a pull out couch. It was a feat getting it up 3 flights of stairs. But we did it and now all that remains... a couple boxes of books.
We do have some things to buy, a bed, a coffee table, and in time we will fill our apartment with new memories and furniture. For now though it is absolutely perfect.
I mentioned it a couple times, but not to the extent I could have written about it. At the time, it was difficult to put into words what it felt like seeing everything boxed up and not knowing when I'd be seeing those things again.
Of course I was always able to go to my storage unit, open those boxes and sort through my little treasures...but after doing that once and realizing what a sad sight it was I only went in there a handful of times.
2 years...it's been almost 2 years since my couch, my pictures, my dishes, some of my favorite things, have been able to breathe.
On Valentine's Day Bear and I moved into our own place, which also meant on Valentine's Day I was able to unpack my boxes from storage.
The feeling was amazing. Just being able to see everything I love and hold dear to my heart in the apartment brought so much enjoyment and love to my day. There were some things I realized I was missing from when I moved down 2 years ago. And although I wish I had them, they are all things I can buy...things that over time I will see again.
And Bear, well Bear is incredible. Not just his moving skills, but who he is. He has the kindest heart and he is the most loving person. And his moving skills were amazing. We moved everything ourselves...even a pull out couch. It was a feat getting it up 3 flights of stairs. But we did it and now all that remains... a couple boxes of books.
We do have some things to buy, a bed, a coffee table, and in time we will fill our apartment with new memories and furniture. For now though it is absolutely perfect.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Insignificant...
Often times I think we make decisions or react to a situation based off of our past. But it's important to remember our past is insignificant to our future.
That isn't to say our past doesn't play a very important part of who we are today. Every interaction and experience has shaped us into who we are, but to use the past as a marker for how to react in a new situation or be a determinate of decisions we have to make stunts our growth.
It's something Bear and I have learned is incredibly important in our relationship. Having both come from a divorce, we know how important it is for us to leave the past in the past. When we start bringing it into this relationship we find that it only causes a roadblock.
And this doesn't just apply to relationships but every aspect of our life.
What a powerful thought...the past is insignificant to our future.
That isn't to say our past doesn't play a very important part of who we are today. Every interaction and experience has shaped us into who we are, but to use the past as a marker for how to react in a new situation or be a determinate of decisions we have to make stunts our growth.
It's something Bear and I have learned is incredibly important in our relationship. Having both come from a divorce, we know how important it is for us to leave the past in the past. When we start bringing it into this relationship we find that it only causes a roadblock.
And this doesn't just apply to relationships but every aspect of our life.
What a powerful thought...the past is insignificant to our future.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Legacy...
Sometimes I wonder what kind of legacy will I leave behind, when I'm gone. How will have I made a difference in this world? Right now, I don't think I could tell you what kind of difference I have made, only that I try to share my stories of weight loss, failure at a marriage, being in a new relationship, having experienced my mom go through a major brain injury, in hopes that something I say will help whomever it is I'm talking to. How I don't know, but I keep sharing. And I keep listening and hearing what others have to share as well in hopes that I can partake in what legacy they are leaving behind.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
One Week In...
One week into the New Year...and I am starting to really feel the weight of my goals. Moving out into my own place with Bear, become NASM certified, complete a Tough Mudder in March, go to Denmark, practicing yoga twice a week, and eating home cooked meals 6 days a week. They are all doable, but with working full time and trying to fit in the occasional moments with Bear and working on our relationship, it seems these goals are so far for me to reach and get to. I am determined. But it's going to be a long haul for 2014. I'm excited to see my growth, to see where these goals take me, and of course share with all of you, how 2014 looks for me during all this.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Keep On Celebrating...
The time is flying by and 2013 is coming to a close...Christmas is less than a week away, New Year's will soon follow, and I'm trying to make sure the next few weeks are as special and incredible as they have been this year.
Sometimes I fall into bad habits, where being loving, happy, and healthy are not at the forefront of my actions. The good thing is, I can recognize those moments and hopefully change my actions before those bad habits creep up and hang around for too long.
One of my bad habits...over eating and obsessing about my weight. It's definitely a challenge at times, but there are no excuses.
When I eat my emotions, happy or sad, I'm not allowing myself to fully feel. But being an emotional eater, that's something I find difficult to do.
Of course I'm a work in progress, and overall 2013 has been one of my favorite years...and the best part there's still a couple weeks to keep on celebrating.
Sometimes I fall into bad habits, where being loving, happy, and healthy are not at the forefront of my actions. The good thing is, I can recognize those moments and hopefully change my actions before those bad habits creep up and hang around for too long.
One of my bad habits...over eating and obsessing about my weight. It's definitely a challenge at times, but there are no excuses.
When I eat my emotions, happy or sad, I'm not allowing myself to fully feel. But being an emotional eater, that's something I find difficult to do.
Of course I'm a work in progress, and overall 2013 has been one of my favorite years...and the best part there's still a couple weeks to keep on celebrating.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Counting...
Day 9 of my new eating plan and it's going well. I've realized I do really well when I have guidelines.
For the last few years it's been all about counting calories, which worked. But after 3 plus years, it definitely became a little tiresome.
I was too afraid though to stop though, for fear of gaining all the weight back.
But with this plan, I don't have to count. It's all outlined for me. It's been a great alternative to counting. And it's freed my mind.
If you had told me 3 weeks ago, I would not be counting my calories, I would have said there is no possible way. But it's been 9 days. I can't say I won't go back to counting, but for today, for right now this plan is where I am at.
For the last few years it's been all about counting calories, which worked. But after 3 plus years, it definitely became a little tiresome.
I was too afraid though to stop though, for fear of gaining all the weight back.
But with this plan, I don't have to count. It's all outlined for me. It's been a great alternative to counting. And it's freed my mind.
If you had told me 3 weeks ago, I would not be counting my calories, I would have said there is no possible way. But it's been 9 days. I can't say I won't go back to counting, but for today, for right now this plan is where I am at.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Plan Worth Following...
So many exciting events/moments have occurred since last week. Halloween with my niece, the grand opening of the new store I work at, a new structured eating plan...the list goes on.
Bear and I dressed up for my niece who wanted us all to go as My Little Ponies. When a 4 1/2 year old enthusiastically tells you her plan for Halloween and what you are going to wear...well it's impossible to say no. Which is why I dressed as Applejack and Bear as Big Macintosh.
To see the smile on her face as I walked up to her house...exclaiming, "Applejack!!" it just doesn't get better than that.
And the day after Halloween was the grand opening of the store I work at. It was a whirlwind...from Halloween to opening the store and hosting the day to day events. But it went amazingly, and I am so excited to be working in an environment that really helps me thrive in my personal work, my health and my career.
As for my new structured eating plan...I will update you all on my progress. Right now, I've been successful at following it. I didn't weigh myself before starting, as my gift to myself last Christmas was no longer weighing myself. So I won't know what weight I've lost, if any at all. What I will know is that I am feeding my body healthier foods. And that is a plan worth following.
Bear and I dressed up for my niece who wanted us all to go as My Little Ponies. When a 4 1/2 year old enthusiastically tells you her plan for Halloween and what you are going to wear...well it's impossible to say no. Which is why I dressed as Applejack and Bear as Big Macintosh.
To see the smile on her face as I walked up to her house...exclaiming, "Applejack!!" it just doesn't get better than that.
And the day after Halloween was the grand opening of the store I work at. It was a whirlwind...from Halloween to opening the store and hosting the day to day events. But it went amazingly, and I am so excited to be working in an environment that really helps me thrive in my personal work, my health and my career.
As for my new structured eating plan...I will update you all on my progress. Right now, I've been successful at following it. I didn't weigh myself before starting, as my gift to myself last Christmas was no longer weighing myself. So I won't know what weight I've lost, if any at all. What I will know is that I am feeding my body healthier foods. And that is a plan worth following.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Stirred Up...
Life is flying by.
I guess it's a good thing to know that I am busy with family and friends...spending time with Bear...loving my new job, that as a result this blog is taking a back seat. Of course I don't want it to be and I am determined to make this something I don't just do to fill some time.
In all honesty this blog is a chronicle of my journey from darkness into light. A way to remind me of where I have been and how far I've come. Especially when my past comes back to bite me in the butt.
This last week and weekend for example. Boy did my past come back full force. And not in the form of memories, but in emotion. Old emotions of frustration and anger being stirred up.
Of course Bear was right there to support me. Guide me through what was reality versus what was my past.
Which of course leads me to worry. Silly things like, will Bear get tired of having to be that support?
I say silly because Bear has already shown me that he won't do things he doesn't want to do. He's shown me he is someone who believes that in a relationship support is necessary in order to have a successful relationship.
It's truly amazing to me sometimes what a difference this relationship is. How healthy, and loving it is. The honesty that makes up our building blocks. That each day Bear and I are better than before.
I guess it's a good thing to know that I am busy with family and friends...spending time with Bear...loving my new job, that as a result this blog is taking a back seat. Of course I don't want it to be and I am determined to make this something I don't just do to fill some time.
In all honesty this blog is a chronicle of my journey from darkness into light. A way to remind me of where I have been and how far I've come. Especially when my past comes back to bite me in the butt.
This last week and weekend for example. Boy did my past come back full force. And not in the form of memories, but in emotion. Old emotions of frustration and anger being stirred up.
Of course Bear was right there to support me. Guide me through what was reality versus what was my past.
Which of course leads me to worry. Silly things like, will Bear get tired of having to be that support?
I say silly because Bear has already shown me that he won't do things he doesn't want to do. He's shown me he is someone who believes that in a relationship support is necessary in order to have a successful relationship.
It's truly amazing to me sometimes what a difference this relationship is. How healthy, and loving it is. The honesty that makes up our building blocks. That each day Bear and I are better than before.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Compliment...
Wow...2 weeks.
Two weeks have gone by since I have posed on here. It feels that so much has gone by...the start of my new career. Learning all that I can so that I can be the best, most effective manager possible with my team.
I've also been inspired to try new things and return to old...yoga, CrossFit, running. It's all apart of my journey.
And at the same time, my relationship with Bear is stronger each day. We have so much fun together, but more importantly we are consistently learning and working on how to communicate with each other. His honesty is a quality I admire and love so much, and his ability to understand my needs in trying times and not trying times, makes him the perfect partner for me, especially at this time in my life.
When I use to think about the type of person I would need to compliment my temperament, my personality, he is that person. And it feels amazing to not have settled.
Two weeks have gone by since I have posed on here. It feels that so much has gone by...the start of my new career. Learning all that I can so that I can be the best, most effective manager possible with my team.
I've also been inspired to try new things and return to old...yoga, CrossFit, running. It's all apart of my journey.
And at the same time, my relationship with Bear is stronger each day. We have so much fun together, but more importantly we are consistently learning and working on how to communicate with each other. His honesty is a quality I admire and love so much, and his ability to understand my needs in trying times and not trying times, makes him the perfect partner for me, especially at this time in my life.
When I use to think about the type of person I would need to compliment my temperament, my personality, he is that person. And it feels amazing to not have settled.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Vision...
This last Saturday was the last day at a job I had been at for two years. It was difficult to say goodbye to my team and to a company that was there for me during some of my most difficult days. I loved what I was doing but I needed more balance in my life and where I am working now will allow me that.
It is also a place that will encourage me to go after my goals...to create a vision and do what is necessary to achieve that vision.
Today was my first day and it was nothing short of amazing. I have already been challenged in ways I wasn't expecting.
I am blessed to have this opportunity and I can't wait to see how I evolve. This is an exciting journey, and I can't wait to share it with you all.
It is also a place that will encourage me to go after my goals...to create a vision and do what is necessary to achieve that vision.
Today was my first day and it was nothing short of amazing. I have already been challenged in ways I wasn't expecting.
I am blessed to have this opportunity and I can't wait to see how I evolve. This is an exciting journey, and I can't wait to share it with you all.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Fear of the Future...
There are a lot of things that come up in my relationship with Bear, that have me thinking I want to work on that.
One of them being the occasional feeling that all of this will end one day. For obvious reasons, my mind sometimes spirals and lands on the notion that Bear is going to leave me in the future.
It's true I don't what the future holds for either one of us, but to live with the idea that it will most definitely end only creates more chaos in the present day.
I've been given no reason to believe he will leave, only that the past has shown me life is unpredictable that way.
It's something I'm working on...not living in fear of what will happen in the future, but enjoying what I know to be true now. We are in love, having fun, and living life to its fullest.
One of them being the occasional feeling that all of this will end one day. For obvious reasons, my mind sometimes spirals and lands on the notion that Bear is going to leave me in the future.
It's true I don't what the future holds for either one of us, but to live with the idea that it will most definitely end only creates more chaos in the present day.
I've been given no reason to believe he will leave, only that the past has shown me life is unpredictable that way.
It's something I'm working on...not living in fear of what will happen in the future, but enjoying what I know to be true now. We are in love, having fun, and living life to its fullest.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Equation...
The last two days were amazing. I finally got caught up on life; spent time with not only my family and Bear, but a few of my friends and more importantly took time for me.
With the road trip, my birthday, the wedding and work I haven't had the time to really sit and be still...to meditate and quiet the mind. But it's extremely important, and so with two days off I finally found the time.
It was a beautiful reminder for me to make sure when I think about balancing my lifestyle, that I include myself into that equation. And that I never lose sight of that.
With the road trip, my birthday, the wedding and work I haven't had the time to really sit and be still...to meditate and quiet the mind. But it's extremely important, and so with two days off I finally found the time.
It was a beautiful reminder for me to make sure when I think about balancing my lifestyle, that I include myself into that equation. And that I never lose sight of that.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Wonderful Beginning...
3 states, 3 days, 1300 miles and we are finally here!
Bear has moved from Washington to California and we are beginning a new journey together. One which I know will be full of love and laughter.
It was a great road trip...and I learned a lot about myself.
I learned I am a pretty decent camper. I can sit in a car packed full of bags with my suitcase beneath my feet and a carry on bag in between me and the passenger door for 1300 miles. I sleep a lot. Seriously, I slept for about 2-3 hours each day; curled up into a ball. I learned I'm not terrified of lions, tigers, or bears. And most importantly that I can eat a pretty fair amount of junk food.
It was an amazing adventure, and I am so happy to be settling in with Bear. What a wonderful beginning.
Bear has moved from Washington to California and we are beginning a new journey together. One which I know will be full of love and laughter.
It was a great road trip...and I learned a lot about myself.
I learned I am a pretty decent camper. I can sit in a car packed full of bags with my suitcase beneath my feet and a carry on bag in between me and the passenger door for 1300 miles. I sleep a lot. Seriously, I slept for about 2-3 hours each day; curled up into a ball. I learned I'm not terrified of lions, tigers, or bears. And most importantly that I can eat a pretty fair amount of junk food.
It was an amazing adventure, and I am so happy to be settling in with Bear. What a wonderful beginning.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Routine...
It's amazing how comfortable we can get with a routine.
Work out, talk to Bear, work, eat dinner, talk to Bear, go to sleep and do it all over again. Sometimes not in that order, but you get the idea.
A couple days ago Bear went to Denmark to visit his sister, brother in law, and nephew. I couldn't be more excited and happy for him, but I've noticed that the parts of my day that were dedicated to him...whelp I'm left wondering what to do with all of that time.
And it hit me. In just 5 months, I've become so use to having Bear in my life, that I've forgotten what it's like to not have him around. Even though he lives in Washington, we are still easily able to Face Time, text, and call each other.
Now that he is in Denmark, it isn't that easy. And I can't believe that I've already become so accustomed to having him in my life, that my days right now are filled with big gaps.
Although my ideal day includes Bear, I am looking forward to having more time to read...time to have lunch/dinner with friends...and possibly get in a nap or two.
When Bear first left for Denmark, I wasn't sure how I would deal with a change in my routine, but now I'm looking forward to it. I have a feeling it will be good for my mind, body, and soul.
Work out, talk to Bear, work, eat dinner, talk to Bear, go to sleep and do it all over again. Sometimes not in that order, but you get the idea.
A couple days ago Bear went to Denmark to visit his sister, brother in law, and nephew. I couldn't be more excited and happy for him, but I've noticed that the parts of my day that were dedicated to him...whelp I'm left wondering what to do with all of that time.
And it hit me. In just 5 months, I've become so use to having Bear in my life, that I've forgotten what it's like to not have him around. Even though he lives in Washington, we are still easily able to Face Time, text, and call each other.
Now that he is in Denmark, it isn't that easy. And I can't believe that I've already become so accustomed to having him in my life, that my days right now are filled with big gaps.
Although my ideal day includes Bear, I am looking forward to having more time to read...time to have lunch/dinner with friends...and possibly get in a nap or two.
When Bear first left for Denmark, I wasn't sure how I would deal with a change in my routine, but now I'm looking forward to it. I have a feeling it will be good for my mind, body, and soul.
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