Some days I feel like I have no other choice but to move on with my life and some days I feel like I won't give up. Today is not one of those days. I feel completely at a loss in life and I feel like I can't hold on anymore to my failed marriage. It's at these times that I can't help to think of Jason Mraz's song "I Won't Give Up."
About three weeks ago I was in my car praying, as I typically do in my car, asking what I should do, because honestly I feel so lost at times I just don't know what to do. I have people telling me to move on, that my EH just doesn't love me any more or want me in his life, so I should just move on. If I could just move on my marriage would not have been based off of a deep love, at least on my part.
But here I am telling myself "He doesn't love you. Move on. You're not good enough, especially not for him and if you were he would still be with you or at least talk to you. But he doesn't. Because he doesn't love you. So just move on..."
But I can't. Although I feel like I have no other choice but to move on and even as I write that I feel like I can't hold on to my failed marriage, I don't fully believe it. Maybe it's stubbornness, refusal to fail. Or as I suspect, because I still love my EH so much, I won't give up.
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.
I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
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