Ring...

It's the little things that can set me off into a whirlwind of sadness. For example, sitting at the nail salon and looking at my newly painted nails and realizing my ring finger is so completely bare. I miss wearing my wedding ring. I miss looking at my hand and smiling, because that ring means there's someone out there who loves me so unconditionally that he made me his wife.

I loved the two most important rings my EH ever gave to me. The first ring, my engagement ring, was a beautiful ring in the shape of a flower. It was made of rose gold and white gold, with a little diamond in the middle. I cherished that ring. It was so unique, so simple, so perfect. As I lost weight, the ring no longer fit, but instead of getting the ring sized my EH bought me another perfect ring.

He bought me a gold ring with a sapphire stone. Sapphire being my birthstone, and the ring so similar to the first ring my dad ever bought my mom. So special, and so thoughtful.

I didn't take the rings with me when I packed up my belongings and moved my stuff back home. There were many things that I didn't take because they held too much sentimental value. But those are the things that I sometimes wish I had the most. Maybe because I would feel more connected to my EH than I do now. But having those items wouldn't bring me any closer to my EH. They would just represent something that no longer exists. They would represent his love for me...and he doesn't love me any more. As a friend, as a wife, as anything.

So needless to say I have been pretty emotional lately, crying unexpectedly and feeling such a sense of loss that at times I can barely breathe. But then I pick myself back up again. And that's how my life will be for a while. Waves of sadness and happiness and everything in between.