Some days I feel like I am at my breaking point. Trying to get my EH to talk to me, working two jobs and not having one day off, the feeling of being alone, and then whatever crap that seems to come my way. And on top of it trying to smile throughout it all. It isn't easy, and I'm almost at the point of throwing my hands in the air and saying f***k it all.
But that won't help the situation. In fact it will just be putting off the inevitable. And so I keep forging through and in the end I'll be better for it.
Which is why I have decided to start tackling each situation. First things first, getting my EH to communicate so we can settle things. And if he continues to refuse, I will be making a 400 mile trip to get it figured out. I've been told by my therapist I need to be more assertive when it comes to my EH...not aggressive but assertive.
To be honest though, any time I think I'm being assertive it probably comes off as aggressive to him, which is one of the reasons I am trying to be pleasant. I don't want to come off as an aggressive person. I already carry so much guilt in being that way during our marriage, and instead of feeling guilty about the way I am reacting in this situation years from now, I'd rather be pleasant and know I handled the situation as best I could.
But I do need to take care of things, and so I must work on being assertive...driving up and being proactive seems like a good start. It's time to make an adjustment, otherwise you will all be peeling me off the ceiling ; )
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