So I can't tell you the overwhelming loss I am feeling lately. But I am also so happy in many areas of my life. I like to tell people I compartmentalize my life. And let me just tell you, if you don't do this already start practicing. Don't let one negative in your life ruin everything else you have going for you.
For example, I look at my life and I am incredibly happy and thankful for my two jobs, for the health of my family, for being able to exercise 6 days a week, for my friends, etc...I am not happy about my divorce.
I've noticed some people tend to let the negative outweigh the positive and at the end of the day, they look at everything as though it is failing, when in actuality it may not be.
It bothers me that I have not seen my EH in almost 3 months and that we have not really talked, not how I would like to. I even sent him a text yesterday and left a message asking to talk about all that has happened. And I have yet to receive a response, which is rude and disrespectful. But I can't change him, I can only work on me. And to be honest, he hasn't always been this way. I wish all of you could have known the EH I knew. Because let me tell you, that person was better than I could ever be. Who he is today bares no resemblance to that man.
There are so many songs, moments, pictures, clothes, jewelry, etc. that remind me of him and it's like I'm hit with a flood of images and emotions that I wish I could turn off. But I can't and I'm learning to deal with those moments more positively. I've said before I do not want to be bitter. So when those images and emotions hit, I smile and tell myself "You are so fortunate to have had those memories with someone who was incredible at that time. Love, love, love, continue to love the man he was, the husband he was to you, and the friend he had always been."
I'm not going to lie, sometimes I do feel bitter, angry, and want to throw something. I think it's important to not run from problems, so in no way do I want this to be something I run from. I understand if I do that, than I will be dealing with all of this months from now, maybe years from now. In no way does me choosing happiness and love mean I am escaping from reality. It means every time I have those moments, I allow myself them and then I change my thoughts to positive ones. Happiness and Love are always going to be more productive than Sadness and Hate.
It's not always easy to compartmentalize your life, but start practicing. When you are meditating on the negative, make an effort to change your thoughts to positives. I do promise there is something positive in your life. Even if it's as silly as being able to read a good book or drink hot chocolate...there is always something.
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