Insignificant...

Often times I think we make decisions or react to a situation based off of our past. But it's important to remember our past is insignificant to our future.

That isn't to say our past doesn't play a very important part of who we are today. Every interaction and experience has shaped us into who we are, but to use the past as a marker for how to react in a new situation or be a determinate of decisions we have to make stunts our growth.

It's something Bear and I have learned is incredibly important in our relationship. Having both come from a divorce, we know how important it is for us to leave the past in the past. When we start bringing it into this relationship we find that it only causes a roadblock.

And this doesn't just apply to relationships but every aspect of our life.

What a powerful thought...the past is insignificant to our future.

Legacy...

Sometimes I wonder what kind of legacy will I leave behind, when I'm gone. How will have I made a difference in this world? Right now, I don't think I could tell you what kind of difference I have made, only that I try to share my stories of weight loss,  failure at a marriage, being in a new relationship, having experienced my mom go through a major brain injury, in hopes that something I say will help whomever it is I'm talking to. How I don't know, but I keep sharing. And I keep listening and hearing what others have to share as well in hopes that I can partake in what legacy they are leaving behind.

One Week In...

One week into the New Year...and I am starting to really feel the weight of my goals. Moving out into my own place with Bear, become NASM certified, complete a Tough Mudder in March, go to Denmark, practicing yoga twice a week, and eating home cooked meals 6 days a week. They are all doable, but with working full time and trying to fit in the occasional moments with Bear and working on our relationship, it seems these goals are so far for me to reach and get to. I am determined. But it's going to be a long haul for 2014. I'm excited to see my growth, to see where these goals take me, and of course share with all of you, how 2014 looks for me during all this.

Uncertainty...

2013 is coming to an end...and for the most part I accomplished all that I set out for. Except for writing consistently on this blog. Nonetheless, I am pretty proud of all that I have done. But I can't help wanting 2013 to continue for a little while longer.

Why? Because I feel there is a sort of uncertainty in my life that I would love to have resolved before the New Year. However, I know it won't be possible.

Bear and I are experiencing a little bump in the road. We want different things in our life at this moment, and because of that we aren't sure where our future as a couple is headed.

Since Christmas, it's been off. What stemmed from a miscommunication, has now turned into a realization that we both are on different pages in this chapter of our lives.

But how do we get on the same page and what happens if we don't? I would love to look into the future and see where we are headed, maybe then I would be looking forward to 2014. But right now, this uncertainty is looming over me like a dark cloud and every moment I am preparing for the rain to come pouring down.

What I have learned through all of this, is that Bear and I communicate better than I have ever been able to communicate with anyone. And I am proud of the growth I have seen in myself with this and I am proud of his growth as well.

A new year is upon us...a year to achieve more goals and to set out what I want...need in life.

Keep On Celebrating...

The time is flying by and 2013 is coming to a close...Christmas is less than a week away, New Year's will soon follow,  and I'm trying to make sure the next few weeks are as special and incredible as they have been this year.

Sometimes I fall into bad habits, where being loving, happy, and healthy are not at the forefront of my actions. The good thing is, I can recognize those moments and hopefully change my actions before those bad habits creep up and hang around for too long.

One of my bad habits...over eating and obsessing about my weight. It's definitely a challenge at times, but there are no excuses.

When I eat my emotions, happy or sad, I'm not allowing myself to fully feel. But being an emotional eater, that's something I find difficult to do.

Of course I'm a work in progress, and overall 2013 has been one of my favorite years...and the best part there's still a couple weeks to keep on celebrating.

Wow...

Wow what an incredible two weeks it has been. This last week especially.

First, I made a giant step towards my goal of becoming a personal trainer. A step in the right direction and one that has lit a fire under me.

Second, I was so fortunate again to see my uncle narrate the Candlelight ceremony at Disneyland. Something I was able to share with Bear this year.

I led a vision and goals training for my work.

My co-workers and I surprised 5 families at a tree lot and bought their trees for them.

And my cousins' documentary made it into Sundance.

You can see why this has been an incredible two weeks, full of love, joy, and happiness!

Gratitude...

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I am so happy to be spending the day with Bear and my family. It's hard though, because I know that Bear would love to be with his family as well. So I am going to do my best to make tomorrow as special as possible for him.

He has brought so much to my life…I think about last year this time. I had gotten the closure I needed with EH, and was able to finally move on. I didn't know it at the time, but Bear would be coming into my life, and adding so much more than I could have every imagined.

I feel blessed to be able to spend a day of love and gratitude with someone I am extremely grateful for. Thank you Bear, for everything. For showing me what a healthy, loving relationship looks like. For always being honest. You are incredible, hard working, and I am so proud of you.. Of us.