Going out...

Oh where oh where oh where to start...

Well first I would like to say to all of you who are married or in a relationship and feeling in sort of a rut, the grass really isn't greener on the other side. Trust me, I'm on the other side and for the most part this grass is brown.

Let me explain. For the last two weekends I've had the wonderful opportunity to go out and see what the single life is like and what is in my future. And from what I can gather, it's worse than I thought.

I was in no way prepared for the grabbing, the horrible pickup lines, and the all out desperation.

Let me paint a picture for you. My two girlfriends. KC and PL, and I headed to a bar after having been at a birthday party.  After getting to the bar, KC and I headed to the restroom, only to overhear a woman tell her friends that she wasn't wearing any panties with her dress. WHAT?!?! I guess she decided that if Britney Spears can do it, she can to.

KC and I left the bathroom only to have an older gentleman keep grabbing at her. At which point I had to step in a tell him to stop touching her. He didn't like that. Apparently he, and many other guys, never learned to keep their hands to themselves and feel it is their right to grab any woman that walks past them.

 So after having our ears assaulted and me already getting into a confrontation, we decided to head outside. But as it is in these places, you really have nowhere to go to escape the creepiness. After sitting down and being leered at by men around us, I decided it would be funny to imitate these charming gentlemen. This was a mistake. It brought more attention to us. And with my bright red coat on, it brought attention from a man with possibly the worst pickup line ever.

"You know there is an Arabic saying that when a man sees his lover in red, he must charge at her like a bull." Ummmmm...was this guy serious? Let's break this down for a second. First, I'm not sure when in the 0.5 seconds this guy saw me, that I became his lover. Second, I'm pretty sure I don't want to be charged at like a bull, ever. Seriously, we have all seen what it looks like when a bull charges after someone and the pain that ensues if that person is caught with a horn up their...well you get the idea. I'm not sure what this guy expected me to do or say, but me leaving sure wasn't it. Later on I saw that same guy with a much older woman...she was wearing a red dress and for a second I wasn't sure if I should be relieved or offended. Relief...definite relief.

Needless to say the night ended with KC and I having a friend pick us up. Which was by far the nicest thing a guy had done for us that night.

My other night out...more of the same. Guys grabbing at me, drinks being spilled, and guys with bad pickup lines. Apparently everyone male in Santa Monica works for a talent agency...sorry guys that isn't a turn on and no it will not make me want to sleep with you. But by far the best thing of that evening was KC and I overhearing a guy tell his buddy that he had just farted and he thought maybe a little poop had come out....not even kidding. And I wish I were.

So for all you married women and men out there, for all of you in a relationship, please take a moment and thank your significant other for their love and support. And if you ever feel the grass is greener on the other side, it's not. You just need to water your own grass. That's all.