Relationships...

Sometimes people come into your life and an in instant you feel connected to them. It's like you've always known them. And there is a love for them you can't explain.

It's weird. When my EH and I first started dating, I knew I loved him, because I had always loved him. I have loved him as a friend, as my boyfriend, as my fiancee, and as my husband. I will never not love him. He will forever hold a place in my heart.

Since my EH decided to file for divorce, I didn't know if it would be possibly to be able to love so freely. To know that someone can come in your life and make such a huge impact, and in an instant no longer be present. I didn't know if I would want to go through waves of loving and losing. But I've realized that you never really lose anyone, especially if you make room for them in your heart and keep them there. Regardless if they are present or not.  So I've let myself be open to the possibility of loving freely again. And once I did, I met two people whom I have felt so connected to. Their humor, their intelligence, their spirit have snuck their way into my heart, and I know I will keep them there forever.

I can't help but be happy and thankful that they have come into my life. And I wonder has anyone come into my EH's life that has made him so thankful to be alive and living?

We had a conversation yesterday, my EH and I, and all I could think was how important he has been to me. What he brought to my life...what is currently missing. Tears came pouring down, but at the same time I realized what new things have come into my life since having to move back to my parents and away from my EH, and I could not help but appreciate these new loves. For these individuals who challenge me and encourage me and who are serving an important purpose in my life at this moment.

I hurt for my EH, because I know he is going through so much turmoil. For someone to choose the path that he has chosen, I know he must not be fulfilled with himself. And until he can be happy with himself and love himself, he will never have a truly successful relationship, friendship or otherwise.