Pass On...

This last November I wrote a post...a copy of a letter I wrote to a teacher I had just found out was battling cancer again.

It is with sad news I must tell you that that same teacher of mine passed away.

After re-reading my letter to her, I was once again hit with the deep knowledge that I am truly living and not just going through the motions.

I believe if Mrs. Nick saw me today, she would be proud. I am proud.

Mrs. Nick you will be missed greatly, but it is my goal, my honor to pass on the wisdom and guidance you gave to me.

Your words will continue to live on, and you will continue to touch others as you have touched me.

Better Than Before...

I didn't think it would happen...so quickly...so easily...falling in love.

I can recall the moment, I fell so completely in love with Bear, with no abandonment.

We had just finished having an intense conversation, and when I asked him after how he felt about us, he said "I feel like we're better than before."

When he said those words, I felt every wall surrounding my heart come crashing down.

His honesty, his insight into what a successful relationship entails, has never made me feel so secure in all my 28 years.

I know that whatever disagreement, argument, intense conversation we may have in the future, we will always walk away better than before.

Personal Space...

I think it's important for everyone to have their own personal space...somewhere they can go and be alone. Whether to meditate, listen to their favorite music, dance it out, whatever it is, a space they can let it all go.

My drive to work has increased exponentially. I no longer work 20 minutes away...on a good day it's a 40 min drive...on most days I'm looking at an hour to an hour 15 minute drive.

I have a lot of people tell me how brutal a drive like that is...and it can be at times. But this week I began practicing using that drive as my alone time. My time to think, to listen to music, and to prepare and decompress from the day.

When I begin to feel sorry for myself and fixate on the fact that I have such a long drive, I miss the opportunity to take the hour and plan my day, reflect on my day, clear my mind of any negative emotions, thoughts, or feelings.

So although, the drive is not ideal, it does have its benefits and for that I am grateful.

Tetris...

So much to do, so little time to do it in.

Doesn't it always seem to be this way...with work, relationships, family, and friends. How do you fit it all in?

Some days I feel like I have it all figured out, putting it all together like an amazing game of Tetris.  Passing each level as it comes my way. Then there are days, weeks, months, where I feel like I can't pass level 1.

As is the case this week. I feel like I am playing catch up in all aspects of my life.

Whether it's not being able to work out so I can get some sleep...not having time to catch up with my friends...working 7 days in a row...not seeing my family...still figuring out this whole long distance relationship. Well right now, I'm nowhere near passing this level of Tetris, but I'm hoping that maybe in a couple weeks from now...couple months even, I'll be fitting these pieces of my life together a little better than I have been.

Long and Healthy...

I think the best part about my relationship with Bear is that we aren't looking to complete each other. We aren't looking for one another to make the other happy.

Over the last year, we have worked to do that ourselves. And because of that our relationship is much more enriching. We are two individuals coming together, choosing to be with one another despite the trials we have been put through over the last year and we are choosing to love again and trust in each other.

We don't bring the baggage from our last relationships to the table and expect that the other change to fit whatever mold it is we think we need. We add to each others' happiness...never taking away or completing. We are also set on continuing to hold onto our goals.

I think it is so important to hold onto the goals you have set for yourself before being in a relationship and not loose track of them.

For example, shark diving. I want to go shark diving, which is something Bear does not share with me. And I would never want him to force himself to go with me, if that is something he has no desire to do. In the same token, I don't want to give up this dream because it's something my partner does not want to do.

Of course, I want to develop dreams and goals with Bear that we can accomplish together, but what I want most if for us, as individuals, is to never lose sight of who we are...to never give up on what we want to accomplish...and to always seek happiness....and always add to each others' happiness. 

I believe if we can do this, we can have a very long and healthy relationship.