Blank: A Vinylmation Love Story

Love, what does it mean? Specifically, what does it mean to you?

Webster's Dictionary describes love as the following:

a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates> 

But as we all know love can mean so much more.

Over the last year and 4 months, I have been witness to my brother in law, along with a team of 4 other guys, develop and create a stop motion love story based on the Vinylmation figurines. If you don't know what those are, here's a link to help you out: Vinylmation: What is it?

This story is not only about the strong bond and love between Blank and Bow, but also about finding one's identity.

It's when we find our identities, find what makes us happy in life, that we can truly have a love story that lasts for decades.

When I watch this trailer, and I suspect when I watch all 12 episodes, I will take away something different from each of you, as this story allows each of its viewers to walk away with their own perception and meaning of love.

Because this is a silent film, we are able to create a dialogue for the characters, thus walking away with something that feels much more personal than anything we have ever experienced before.

These film makers are not forcing us to feel what they want us to feel, when they want us to feel, they are giving us the opportunity to create our own love story. We will cry, laugh, and feel a wide range of emotions throughout this series and not all at the same time.

What a gift to be given. 

I hope you enjoy.

Moving...

In a little over a month Bear will be moving to California...yes you read that correctly.

It's something he has wanted to do long before he met me, and to be honest the long distance thing doesn't work after a while. A point we are nearly hitting.

Part of the issue is after not having someone around for a month at a time, you get use to your daily routine and being on your own. Then for 5 days that person is around and you have to readjust. Then they leave and you are finding that you have to go back to being okay with being alone.

It's a very difficult pattern to get use to and frankly one we are a little tired of.

So he is moving down and we will be moving in together. I'm of course excited, but at the same time nervous.

You see, part of not seeing someone for a month at a time also means not having to see each other's tendencies. And I don't know how he'll feel about me after living with me for some time.

Not that I am entirely difficult to live with, but I like to live my life a certain way and I'm hoping he will fit right into that. 

Of course, I have changed over the last year and some odd months, so who I was as a partner before isn't going to be how I am today, tomorrow, or a month from now.

It will be interesting to see how this transition pans out. I suspect there will be a lot of love, laughter, and happiness. At least I'm hoping there will be.

P.S. I saw this post about long distance relationships and it made me laugh...hopefully you will enjoy too : )

Long-Distance Relationships

What Just Happened...

So I have to share with you all a very odd interaction I had at work the other day. Normally, I wouldn't think twice about it, but it was a little shocking. The audacity of the couple I dealt with requires me to share this with you.

First, let me remind you that for Christmas this last year I gave myself the present of not weighing myself. It became too much of a mind game. I wasn't focusing on being healthy and happy, I was focusing on getting to a number I once was during a very stressful time in my life. A time where my metabolism was overworking and no matter how much I ate, I was still losing weight.

That number isn't realistic, and to be frank was too low for what I should be.

Anyways, I've been happy with where I am. I mean, there's always a part of me that wants to be smaller, but in general I am happy. By no means am I big. Had this conversation taken place when I was not in the mindset I am today, I'm pretty sure this would have crushed me. Even now, with a healthier view of myself, this conversation left with with thinking, what just happened?!?!

Wife: We want to buy this for my daughter. But we don't know if it will fit.

Husband: What size are you?
(I get asked this all the time, and it doesn't faze me anymore, selling clothes you sort of come to expect this as many customers compare you to the person they are buying for)

Me: A zero.

Husband: That can not be. You are much bigger than that. (walks around to stare me up and down) You have to be bigger than a two.

Me: Well that's what I typically wear here...a zero or extra small.

Husband: Well my daughter is much smaller than you. And if you are telling me you could fit into this dress, well then it will definitely be too big for her.

Me: Ummm...well I haven't tried this specific dress on so a zero could be too small. I don't know. Everything else I buy from here is a zero...

Husband: How much do you weigh?

Me: On a good day or bad day? (nervous laugh)

Husband: How much do you weigh?

Me: Anywhere from 115-125. (mind you it's been 7 months since I last weighed myself, so this was the best I could come up with)

Husband: You have to weigh more than that.

Me: I don't know what else to tell you.

Husband: Well we can't buy this. If you are saying it will fit you, then it will be too big for her.

To his wife: Go pick out your size and we will buy you one instead.

Looks at me: This dress doesn't seem your style. You don't wear colors like this.

Me: Well, no, it's not exactly my style but it is beautiful.

Husband: It's definitely not your style. 

His wife came over with her dress, and I rang them up and sent them on their way. 

It's amazing to me the way people interact sometimes, what they think is acceptable. Like I said, had I not been in the mindset I am today, this could have messed with my head and self image for weeks.

Thankfully I don't feel that and it has only inspired me to continue to be healthy and happy. That is my one and only goal. One I can't wait to share with others.

How To Deal...

Over the last year, I've had several people ask me how it is I deal with my stress so well.

My first thought is I don't...but that first thought is always the self doubting part of me, so I've learned/am learning to ignore those first thoughts.

Which is why over the last several months, I've looked at patterns and habits I have created to deal with my stress, and there is one constant factor.

Dancing.

Yesiree, I love to dance. Now, I will be the first to tell you that I am by no means a good dancer. I'm not a bad dancer, just not a good one. If I could dance like my older sister, I would be in dancing heaven. But it isn't to be.

However this last year and so odd months, I decided to not listen to the critical me, and decided to go for it. Whenever I feel like it.

My co-workers will even tell you that I make us take dance breaks at work. Especially when I can feel tension in the air...or when a good song comes on.

There's just something about letting go, for a moment or two, that wipes away all my worries and fears. That let's me just live in the moment and forget everything else.

So, in hopes of de-stressing my co-workers, myself, and anyone near me when the mood strikes, I get us to dance.

It's one of the best habits I've picked up. And one I will continue to use throughout my life. Try it...I promise it helps.

Big Sister...

As I sit here reflecting on the day I just had, I can't help but feel like one of the luckiest people in the world tonight.

I treasure my days off from work. My job isn't a Monday through Friday 9-5 career. My days off come randomly throughout the week. And they typically don't come in pairs, except for the one weekend off a month.

So when I do have a day off, I try to make the most of it that I can.

Today started with a workout followed by a hike with a dear friend. After which, I hurried over to see my sister, brother in law, niece, and her brand new baby sister!

My older sister had her second child a week ago and it is just amazing to me how much my heart has expanded for this little one.

First, I am so proud of my sister, for being such an amazing mother and for being such a great big sister to me. Her love for those around her has always inspired me.

Secondly, I am so blessed to be an aunt to two amazing girls. Spending time with these two, makes every worry, concern, sadness, just melt away until there is nothing but love and happiness filling my heart.

It's one of the greatest joys in my life...being able to be their aunt. And I have my big sister and brother in law to thank for that.

Nuncle's Voice...

Over the last year and 5 months my niece who is now 41/2 years old has asked me questions about my EH, her Nuncle, that have have sometimes stopped me in my tracks.

For 3 1/2 years...the first years of her life, my Eh, sister, brother-in-law and my niece, all lived together.

Needless to say, she became very close to my EH, and with this divorce it has been challenging for her young brain to wrap around the idea of being together to not being together.

In the beginning she would ask me questions like why wasn't I with Nuncle...did Nuncle not love me anymore...why does Nuncle not want to be "narried"...that was always my favorite, the mispronunciation would always make me laugh.

She would tell me to go drive and see him, or don't worry Ace (her nickname for me), Nuncle still loves you.

Oh it would break my heart. Seeing her trying to figure it out. And then realizing that not only would her Ace wouldn't see him but that she wasn't going to be seeing him either.

Before I started seeing Bear, she told me I needed to find a new Nuncle. And so when I started dating Bear and when I knew it was becoming serious I wondered if he would be the replacement she wanted for me. I introduced Bear as my friend, and so when the subject of finding someone for me to marry came up again, she told me quite honestly that I couldn't marry Bear because he was my friend not husband.

Oh, she loves Bear. Face Timing him, playing games with him, sending him video messages, but to her Bear was just my friend. Now that it's been a little time she's recently she's told me I can do whatever I want, marry him not marry him : )

Then today as we were driving and we were talking about her unbelievable memory, I asked her if she remembered the giant Mickey and Minnie I use to have and that she would snuggle with. She said, "Yes"  with a big smile on her face. Then paused for a bit and said "Ace I don't remember Nuncle's voice anymore, do you remember it? What does it sound like?"

To be honest, I don't. It's been so long. I didn't know what to say, I felt so choked up...for both of us. 

When I didn't answer she moved on and said, "Why didn't he like you anymore?"

Again, I was at a loss. But this time I mustered up a response.

"I don't think he didn't like me anymore, I think maybe someone else came into his life that he loved."

 She laughed and said "No that's not it. Do you miss him?"

 "I do, every once in a while, not all the time."

"Do you miss him now?"

"I do...ya right now I do."

"Do you love Bear more than him?"

"I love them both in very different ways."

"I should set up a play date with Bear so that we remember each other."

"I think that's a great idea."

"I should set up a play date with Nuncle and Bear so they can remember each other."

That made me laugh.

Luckily we arrived at our destination and there weren't anymore questions to be asked.

But as I sit here thinking of the conversation it breaks my heart to know just how affected my niece was by the divorce.

And I'm happy she feels comfortable talking about it with me.

In the past I would get angry with my EH, thinking how could you do this to me, to my family, to my brother-in-law, to my niece?!

But I don't feel that way anymore. Because I don't want to be with him. I changed for the better because of the divorce and the person I am today could not be with the person my EH was and most likely is today.

I am so much more fulfilled in my life today, than I ever was. And my relationship with Bear is that much better because of it.

I know these questions will come...far and few between, but one day when she is much older I hope I can share this experience with her and show her that even during our most difficult moments, there is always light at the end of the dark tunnel and that the journey is well worth it.