Over the last year, I've had several people ask me how it is I deal with my stress so well.
My first thought is I don't...but that first thought is always the self doubting part of me, so I've learned/am learning to ignore those first thoughts.
Which is why over the last several months, I've looked at patterns and habits I have created to deal with my stress, and there is one constant factor.
Dancing.
Yesiree, I love to dance. Now, I will be the first to tell you that I am by no means a good dancer. I'm not a bad dancer, just not a good one. If I could dance like my older sister, I would be in dancing heaven. But it isn't to be.
However this last year and so odd months, I decided to not listen to the critical me, and decided to go for it. Whenever I feel like it.
My co-workers will even tell you that I make us take dance breaks at work. Especially when I can feel tension in the air...or when a good song comes on.
There's just something about letting go, for a moment or two, that wipes away all my worries and fears. That let's me just live in the moment and forget everything else.
So, in hopes of de-stressing my co-workers, myself, and anyone near me when the mood strikes, I get us to dance.
It's one of the best habits I've picked up. And one I will continue to use throughout my life. Try it...I promise it helps.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Friday, July 12, 2013
Big Sister...
As I sit here reflecting on the day I just had, I can't help but feel like one of the luckiest people in the world tonight.
I treasure my days off from work. My job isn't a Monday through Friday 9-5 career. My days off come randomly throughout the week. And they typically don't come in pairs, except for the one weekend off a month.
So when I do have a day off, I try to make the most of it that I can.
Today started with a workout followed by a hike with a dear friend. After which, I hurried over to see my sister, brother in law, niece, and her brand new baby sister!
My older sister had her second child a week ago and it is just amazing to me how much my heart has expanded for this little one.
First, I am so proud of my sister, for being such an amazing mother and for being such a great big sister to me. Her love for those around her has always inspired me.
Secondly, I am so blessed to be an aunt to two amazing girls. Spending time with these two, makes every worry, concern, sadness, just melt away until there is nothing but love and happiness filling my heart.
It's one of the greatest joys in my life...being able to be their aunt. And I have my big sister and brother in law to thank for that.
I treasure my days off from work. My job isn't a Monday through Friday 9-5 career. My days off come randomly throughout the week. And they typically don't come in pairs, except for the one weekend off a month.
So when I do have a day off, I try to make the most of it that I can.
Today started with a workout followed by a hike with a dear friend. After which, I hurried over to see my sister, brother in law, niece, and her brand new baby sister!
My older sister had her second child a week ago and it is just amazing to me how much my heart has expanded for this little one.
First, I am so proud of my sister, for being such an amazing mother and for being such a great big sister to me. Her love for those around her has always inspired me.
Secondly, I am so blessed to be an aunt to two amazing girls. Spending time with these two, makes every worry, concern, sadness, just melt away until there is nothing but love and happiness filling my heart.
It's one of the greatest joys in my life...being able to be their aunt. And I have my big sister and brother in law to thank for that.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Nuncle's Voice...
Over the last year and 5 months my niece who is now 41/2 years old has asked me questions about my EH, her Nuncle, that have have sometimes stopped me in my tracks.
For 3 1/2 years...the first years of her life, my Eh, sister, brother-in-law and my niece, all lived together.
Needless to say, she became very close to my EH, and with this divorce it has been challenging for her young brain to wrap around the idea of being together to not being together.
In the beginning she would ask me questions like why wasn't I with Nuncle...did Nuncle not love me anymore...why does Nuncle not want to be "narried"...that was always my favorite, the mispronunciation would always make me laugh.
She would tell me to go drive and see him, or don't worry Ace (her nickname for me), Nuncle still loves you.
Oh it would break my heart. Seeing her trying to figure it out. And then realizing that not only would her Ace wouldn't see him but that she wasn't going to be seeing him either.
Before I started seeing Bear, she told me I needed to find a new Nuncle. And so when I started dating Bear and when I knew it was becoming serious I wondered if he would be the replacement she wanted for me. I introduced Bear as my friend, and so when the subject of finding someone for me to marry came up again, she told me quite honestly that I couldn't marry Bear because he was my friend not husband.
Oh, she loves Bear. Face Timing him, playing games with him, sending him video messages, but to her Bear was just my friend. Now that it's been a little time she's recently she's told me I can do whatever I want, marry him not marry him : )
Then today as we were driving and we were talking about her unbelievable memory, I asked her if she remembered the giant Mickey and Minnie I use to have and that she would snuggle with. She said, "Yes" with a big smile on her face. Then paused for a bit and said "Ace I don't remember Nuncle's voice anymore, do you remember it? What does it sound like?"
To be honest, I don't. It's been so long. I didn't know what to say, I felt so choked up...for both of us.
When I didn't answer she moved on and said, "Why didn't he like you anymore?"
Again, I was at a loss. But this time I mustered up a response.
"I don't think he didn't like me anymore, I think maybe someone else came into his life that he loved."
She laughed and said "No that's not it. Do you miss him?"
"I do, every once in a while, not all the time."
"Do you miss him now?"
"I do...ya right now I do."
"Do you love Bear more than him?"
"I love them both in very different ways."
"I should set up a play date with Bear so that we remember each other."
"I think that's a great idea."
"I should set up a play date with Nuncle and Bear so they can remember each other."
That made me laugh.
Luckily we arrived at our destination and there weren't anymore questions to be asked.
But as I sit here thinking of the conversation it breaks my heart to know just how affected my niece was by the divorce.
And I'm happy she feels comfortable talking about it with me.
In the past I would get angry with my EH, thinking how could you do this to me, to my family, to my brother-in-law, to my niece?!
But I don't feel that way anymore. Because I don't want to be with him. I changed for the better because of the divorce and the person I am today could not be with the person my EH was and most likely is today.
I am so much more fulfilled in my life today, than I ever was. And my relationship with Bear is that much better because of it.
I know these questions will come...far and few between, but one day when she is much older I hope I can share this experience with her and show her that even during our most difficult moments, there is always light at the end of the dark tunnel and that the journey is well worth it.
For 3 1/2 years...the first years of her life, my Eh, sister, brother-in-law and my niece, all lived together.
Needless to say, she became very close to my EH, and with this divorce it has been challenging for her young brain to wrap around the idea of being together to not being together.
In the beginning she would ask me questions like why wasn't I with Nuncle...did Nuncle not love me anymore...why does Nuncle not want to be "narried"...that was always my favorite, the mispronunciation would always make me laugh.
She would tell me to go drive and see him, or don't worry Ace (her nickname for me), Nuncle still loves you.
Oh it would break my heart. Seeing her trying to figure it out. And then realizing that not only would her Ace wouldn't see him but that she wasn't going to be seeing him either.
Before I started seeing Bear, she told me I needed to find a new Nuncle. And so when I started dating Bear and when I knew it was becoming serious I wondered if he would be the replacement she wanted for me. I introduced Bear as my friend, and so when the subject of finding someone for me to marry came up again, she told me quite honestly that I couldn't marry Bear because he was my friend not husband.
Oh, she loves Bear. Face Timing him, playing games with him, sending him video messages, but to her Bear was just my friend. Now that it's been a little time she's recently she's told me I can do whatever I want, marry him not marry him : )
Then today as we were driving and we were talking about her unbelievable memory, I asked her if she remembered the giant Mickey and Minnie I use to have and that she would snuggle with. She said, "Yes" with a big smile on her face. Then paused for a bit and said "Ace I don't remember Nuncle's voice anymore, do you remember it? What does it sound like?"
To be honest, I don't. It's been so long. I didn't know what to say, I felt so choked up...for both of us.
When I didn't answer she moved on and said, "Why didn't he like you anymore?"
Again, I was at a loss. But this time I mustered up a response.
"I don't think he didn't like me anymore, I think maybe someone else came into his life that he loved."
She laughed and said "No that's not it. Do you miss him?"
"I do, every once in a while, not all the time."
"Do you miss him now?"
"I do...ya right now I do."
"Do you love Bear more than him?"
"I love them both in very different ways."
"I should set up a play date with Bear so that we remember each other."
"I think that's a great idea."
"I should set up a play date with Nuncle and Bear so they can remember each other."
That made me laugh.
Luckily we arrived at our destination and there weren't anymore questions to be asked.
But as I sit here thinking of the conversation it breaks my heart to know just how affected my niece was by the divorce.
And I'm happy she feels comfortable talking about it with me.
In the past I would get angry with my EH, thinking how could you do this to me, to my family, to my brother-in-law, to my niece?!
But I don't feel that way anymore. Because I don't want to be with him. I changed for the better because of the divorce and the person I am today could not be with the person my EH was and most likely is today.
I am so much more fulfilled in my life today, than I ever was. And my relationship with Bear is that much better because of it.
I know these questions will come...far and few between, but one day when she is much older I hope I can share this experience with her and show her that even during our most difficult moments, there is always light at the end of the dark tunnel and that the journey is well worth it.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Pass On...
This last November I wrote a post...a copy of a letter I wrote to a teacher I had just found out was battling cancer again.
It is with sad news I must tell you that that same teacher of mine passed away.
After re-reading my letter to her, I was once again hit with the deep knowledge that I am truly living and not just going through the motions.
I believe if Mrs. Nick saw me today, she would be proud. I am proud.
Mrs. Nick you will be missed greatly, but it is my goal, my honor to pass on the wisdom and guidance you gave to me.
Your words will continue to live on, and you will continue to touch others as you have touched me.
It is with sad news I must tell you that that same teacher of mine passed away.
After re-reading my letter to her, I was once again hit with the deep knowledge that I am truly living and not just going through the motions.
I believe if Mrs. Nick saw me today, she would be proud. I am proud.
Mrs. Nick you will be missed greatly, but it is my goal, my honor to pass on the wisdom and guidance you gave to me.
Your words will continue to live on, and you will continue to touch others as you have touched me.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Better Than Before...
I didn't think it would happen...so quickly...so easily...falling in love.
I can recall the moment, I fell so completely in love with Bear, with no abandonment.
We had just finished having an intense conversation, and when I asked him after how he felt about us, he said "I feel like we're better than before."
When he said those words, I felt every wall surrounding my heart come crashing down.
His honesty, his insight into what a successful relationship entails, has never made me feel so secure in all my 28 years.
I know that whatever disagreement, argument, intense conversation we may have in the future, we will always walk away better than before.
I can recall the moment, I fell so completely in love with Bear, with no abandonment.
We had just finished having an intense conversation, and when I asked him after how he felt about us, he said "I feel like we're better than before."
When he said those words, I felt every wall surrounding my heart come crashing down.
His honesty, his insight into what a successful relationship entails, has never made me feel so secure in all my 28 years.
I know that whatever disagreement, argument, intense conversation we may have in the future, we will always walk away better than before.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Personal Space...
I think it's important for everyone to have their own personal space...somewhere they can go and be alone. Whether to meditate, listen to their favorite music, dance it out, whatever it is, a space they can let it all go.
My drive to work has increased exponentially. I no longer work 20 minutes away...on a good day it's a 40 min drive...on most days I'm looking at an hour to an hour 15 minute drive.
I have a lot of people tell me how brutal a drive like that is...and it can be at times. But this week I began practicing using that drive as my alone time. My time to think, to listen to music, and to prepare and decompress from the day.
When I begin to feel sorry for myself and fixate on the fact that I have such a long drive, I miss the opportunity to take the hour and plan my day, reflect on my day, clear my mind of any negative emotions, thoughts, or feelings.
So although, the drive is not ideal, it does have its benefits and for that I am grateful.
My drive to work has increased exponentially. I no longer work 20 minutes away...on a good day it's a 40 min drive...on most days I'm looking at an hour to an hour 15 minute drive.
I have a lot of people tell me how brutal a drive like that is...and it can be at times. But this week I began practicing using that drive as my alone time. My time to think, to listen to music, and to prepare and decompress from the day.
When I begin to feel sorry for myself and fixate on the fact that I have such a long drive, I miss the opportunity to take the hour and plan my day, reflect on my day, clear my mind of any negative emotions, thoughts, or feelings.
So although, the drive is not ideal, it does have its benefits and for that I am grateful.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Tetris...
So much to do, so little time to do it in.
Doesn't it always seem to be this way...with work, relationships, family, and friends. How do you fit it all in?
Some days I feel like I have it all figured out, putting it all together like an amazing game of Tetris. Passing each level as it comes my way. Then there are days, weeks, months, where I feel like I can't pass level 1.
As is the case this week. I feel like I am playing catch up in all aspects of my life.
Whether it's not being able to work out so I can get some sleep...not having time to catch up with my friends...working 7 days in a row...not seeing my family...still figuring out this whole long distance relationship. Well right now, I'm nowhere near passing this level of Tetris, but I'm hoping that maybe in a couple weeks from now...couple months even, I'll be fitting these pieces of my life together a little better than I have been.
Doesn't it always seem to be this way...with work, relationships, family, and friends. How do you fit it all in?
Some days I feel like I have it all figured out, putting it all together like an amazing game of Tetris. Passing each level as it comes my way. Then there are days, weeks, months, where I feel like I can't pass level 1.
As is the case this week. I feel like I am playing catch up in all aspects of my life.
Whether it's not being able to work out so I can get some sleep...not having time to catch up with my friends...working 7 days in a row...not seeing my family...still figuring out this whole long distance relationship. Well right now, I'm nowhere near passing this level of Tetris, but I'm hoping that maybe in a couple weeks from now...couple months even, I'll be fitting these pieces of my life together a little better than I have been.
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