For some reason I have found myself breaking down in tears lately. Ridiculously so.
My life is definitely in a transition and these tears are coming out with no control on my part. Although I would love for them to stop...and soon...I do believe they are coming for a reason. And that at the end of this period of my life, these tears will have benefited me.
I feel so blessed in so many areas of my life and I am extremely thankful for all that I have. But one thing I am lacking right now is balance.
And hopefully when my life balances out these tears will subside.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Routine...
It's amazing how comfortable we can get with a routine.
Work out, talk to Bear, work, eat dinner, talk to Bear, go to sleep and do it all over again. Sometimes not in that order, but you get the idea.
A couple days ago Bear went to Denmark to visit his sister, brother in law, and nephew. I couldn't be more excited and happy for him, but I've noticed that the parts of my day that were dedicated to him...whelp I'm left wondering what to do with all of that time.
And it hit me. In just 5 months, I've become so use to having Bear in my life, that I've forgotten what it's like to not have him around. Even though he lives in Washington, we are still easily able to Face Time, text, and call each other.
Now that he is in Denmark, it isn't that easy. And I can't believe that I've already become so accustomed to having him in my life, that my days right now are filled with big gaps.
Although my ideal day includes Bear, I am looking forward to having more time to read...time to have lunch/dinner with friends...and possibly get in a nap or two.
When Bear first left for Denmark, I wasn't sure how I would deal with a change in my routine, but now I'm looking forward to it. I have a feeling it will be good for my mind, body, and soul.
Work out, talk to Bear, work, eat dinner, talk to Bear, go to sleep and do it all over again. Sometimes not in that order, but you get the idea.
A couple days ago Bear went to Denmark to visit his sister, brother in law, and nephew. I couldn't be more excited and happy for him, but I've noticed that the parts of my day that were dedicated to him...whelp I'm left wondering what to do with all of that time.
And it hit me. In just 5 months, I've become so use to having Bear in my life, that I've forgotten what it's like to not have him around. Even though he lives in Washington, we are still easily able to Face Time, text, and call each other.
Now that he is in Denmark, it isn't that easy. And I can't believe that I've already become so accustomed to having him in my life, that my days right now are filled with big gaps.
Although my ideal day includes Bear, I am looking forward to having more time to read...time to have lunch/dinner with friends...and possibly get in a nap or two.
When Bear first left for Denmark, I wasn't sure how I would deal with a change in my routine, but now I'm looking forward to it. I have a feeling it will be good for my mind, body, and soul.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Get After It...
In a month I'll be turning 29. And I've decided that before I turn 30, I want to embark on a new journey. One that will hopefully lead me to getting my personal training certificate.
Inspiring others, helping others get healthy, is something I am passionate about. And although I love the job I have now, I do believe that with my history of learning to live a healthier and happier lifestyle, I can help others achieve this same goal.
I'm excited, nervous, and determined to achieve this next goal in my life, and I am inspired by those around me who are living out their passion.
I know I can do this. I know I can be great at this. And I will be sharing with all of you my journey down this personal training path.
Inspiring others, helping others get healthy, is something I am passionate about. And although I love the job I have now, I do believe that with my history of learning to live a healthier and happier lifestyle, I can help others achieve this same goal.
I'm excited, nervous, and determined to achieve this next goal in my life, and I am inspired by those around me who are living out their passion.
I know I can do this. I know I can be great at this. And I will be sharing with all of you my journey down this personal training path.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Blank: A Vinylmation Love Story
Love, what does it mean? Specifically, what does it mean to you?
Webster's Dictionary describes love as the following:
a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>
But as we all know love can mean so much more.
Over the last year and 4 months, I have been witness to my brother in law, along with a team of 4 other guys, develop and create a stop motion love story based on the Vinylmation figurines. If you don't know what those are, here's a link to help you out: Vinylmation: What is it?
This story is not only about the strong bond and love between Blank and Bow, but also about finding one's identity.
It's when we find our identities, find what makes us happy in life, that we can truly have a love story that lasts for decades.
When I watch this trailer, and I suspect when I watch all 12 episodes, I will take away something different from each of you, as this story allows each of its viewers to walk away with their own perception and meaning of love.
Because this is a silent film, we are able to create a dialogue for the characters, thus walking away with something that feels much more personal than anything we have ever experienced before.
These film makers are not forcing us to feel what they want us to feel, when they want us to feel, they are giving us the opportunity to create our own love story. We will cry, laugh, and feel a wide range of emotions throughout this series and not all at the same time.
What a gift to be given.
I hope you enjoy.
Webster's Dictionary describes love as the following:
a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>
But as we all know love can mean so much more.
Over the last year and 4 months, I have been witness to my brother in law, along with a team of 4 other guys, develop and create a stop motion love story based on the Vinylmation figurines. If you don't know what those are, here's a link to help you out: Vinylmation: What is it?
This story is not only about the strong bond and love between Blank and Bow, but also about finding one's identity.
It's when we find our identities, find what makes us happy in life, that we can truly have a love story that lasts for decades.
When I watch this trailer, and I suspect when I watch all 12 episodes, I will take away something different from each of you, as this story allows each of its viewers to walk away with their own perception and meaning of love.
Because this is a silent film, we are able to create a dialogue for the characters, thus walking away with something that feels much more personal than anything we have ever experienced before.
These film makers are not forcing us to feel what they want us to feel, when they want us to feel, they are giving us the opportunity to create our own love story. We will cry, laugh, and feel a wide range of emotions throughout this series and not all at the same time.
What a gift to be given.
I hope you enjoy.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Moving...
In a little over a month Bear will be moving to California...yes you read that correctly.
It's something he has wanted to do long before he met me, and to be honest the long distance thing doesn't work after a while. A point we are nearly hitting.
Part of the issue is after not having someone around for a month at a time, you get use to your daily routine and being on your own. Then for 5 days that person is around and you have to readjust. Then they leave and you are finding that you have to go back to being okay with being alone.
It's a very difficult pattern to get use to and frankly one we are a little tired of.
So he is moving down and we will be moving in together. I'm of course excited, but at the same time nervous.
You see, part of not seeing someone for a month at a time also means not having to see each other's tendencies. And I don't know how he'll feel about me after living with me for some time.
Not that I am entirely difficult to live with, but I like to live my life a certain way and I'm hoping he will fit right into that.
Of course, I have changed over the last year and some odd months, so who I was as a partner before isn't going to be how I am today, tomorrow, or a month from now.
It will be interesting to see how this transition pans out. I suspect there will be a lot of love, laughter, and happiness. At least I'm hoping there will be.
P.S. I saw this post about long distance relationships and it made me laugh...hopefully you will enjoy too : )
Long-Distance Relationships
It's something he has wanted to do long before he met me, and to be honest the long distance thing doesn't work after a while. A point we are nearly hitting.
Part of the issue is after not having someone around for a month at a time, you get use to your daily routine and being on your own. Then for 5 days that person is around and you have to readjust. Then they leave and you are finding that you have to go back to being okay with being alone.
It's a very difficult pattern to get use to and frankly one we are a little tired of.
So he is moving down and we will be moving in together. I'm of course excited, but at the same time nervous.
You see, part of not seeing someone for a month at a time also means not having to see each other's tendencies. And I don't know how he'll feel about me after living with me for some time.
Not that I am entirely difficult to live with, but I like to live my life a certain way and I'm hoping he will fit right into that.
Of course, I have changed over the last year and some odd months, so who I was as a partner before isn't going to be how I am today, tomorrow, or a month from now.
It will be interesting to see how this transition pans out. I suspect there will be a lot of love, laughter, and happiness. At least I'm hoping there will be.
P.S. I saw this post about long distance relationships and it made me laugh...hopefully you will enjoy too : )
Long-Distance Relationships
Saturday, July 20, 2013
What Just Happened...
So I have to share with you all a very odd interaction I had at work the other day. Normally, I wouldn't think twice about it, but it was a little shocking. The audacity of the couple I dealt with requires me to share this with you.
First, let me remind you that for Christmas this last year I gave myself the present of not weighing myself. It became too much of a mind game. I wasn't focusing on being healthy and happy, I was focusing on getting to a number I once was during a very stressful time in my life. A time where my metabolism was overworking and no matter how much I ate, I was still losing weight.
That number isn't realistic, and to be frank was too low for what I should be.
Anyways, I've been happy with where I am. I mean, there's always a part of me that wants to be smaller, but in general I am happy. By no means am I big. Had this conversation taken place when I was not in the mindset I am today, I'm pretty sure this would have crushed me. Even now, with a healthier view of myself, this conversation left with with thinking, what just happened?!?!
Wife: We want to buy this for my daughter. But we don't know if it will fit.
Husband: What size are you?
(I get asked this all the time, and it doesn't faze me anymore, selling clothes you sort of come to expect this as many customers compare you to the person they are buying for)
Me: A zero.
Husband: That can not be. You are much bigger than that. (walks around to stare me up and down) You have to be bigger than a two.
Me: Well that's what I typically wear here...a zero or extra small.
Husband: Well my daughter is much smaller than you. And if you are telling me you could fit into this dress, well then it will definitely be too big for her.
Me: Ummm...well I haven't tried this specific dress on so a zero could be too small. I don't know. Everything else I buy from here is a zero...
Husband: How much do you weigh?
Me: On a good day or bad day? (nervous laugh)
Husband: How much do you weigh?
Me: Anywhere from 115-125. (mind you it's been 7 months since I last weighed myself, so this was the best I could come up with)
Husband: You have to weigh more than that.
Me: I don't know what else to tell you.
Husband: Well we can't buy this. If you are saying it will fit you, then it will be too big for her.
To his wife: Go pick out your size and we will buy you one instead.
Looks at me: This dress doesn't seem your style. You don't wear colors like this.
Me: Well, no, it's not exactly my style but it is beautiful.
Husband: It's definitely not your style.
His wife came over with her dress, and I rang them up and sent them on their way.
It's amazing to me the way people interact sometimes, what they think is acceptable. Like I said, had I not been in the mindset I am today, this could have messed with my head and self image for weeks.
Thankfully I don't feel that and it has only inspired me to continue to be healthy and happy. That is my one and only goal. One I can't wait to share with others.
First, let me remind you that for Christmas this last year I gave myself the present of not weighing myself. It became too much of a mind game. I wasn't focusing on being healthy and happy, I was focusing on getting to a number I once was during a very stressful time in my life. A time where my metabolism was overworking and no matter how much I ate, I was still losing weight.
That number isn't realistic, and to be frank was too low for what I should be.
Anyways, I've been happy with where I am. I mean, there's always a part of me that wants to be smaller, but in general I am happy. By no means am I big. Had this conversation taken place when I was not in the mindset I am today, I'm pretty sure this would have crushed me. Even now, with a healthier view of myself, this conversation left with with thinking, what just happened?!?!
Wife: We want to buy this for my daughter. But we don't know if it will fit.
Husband: What size are you?
(I get asked this all the time, and it doesn't faze me anymore, selling clothes you sort of come to expect this as many customers compare you to the person they are buying for)
Me: A zero.
Husband: That can not be. You are much bigger than that. (walks around to stare me up and down) You have to be bigger than a two.
Me: Well that's what I typically wear here...a zero or extra small.
Husband: Well my daughter is much smaller than you. And if you are telling me you could fit into this dress, well then it will definitely be too big for her.
Me: Ummm...well I haven't tried this specific dress on so a zero could be too small. I don't know. Everything else I buy from here is a zero...
Husband: How much do you weigh?
Me: On a good day or bad day? (nervous laugh)
Husband: How much do you weigh?
Me: Anywhere from 115-125. (mind you it's been 7 months since I last weighed myself, so this was the best I could come up with)
Husband: You have to weigh more than that.
Me: I don't know what else to tell you.
Husband: Well we can't buy this. If you are saying it will fit you, then it will be too big for her.
To his wife: Go pick out your size and we will buy you one instead.
Looks at me: This dress doesn't seem your style. You don't wear colors like this.
Me: Well, no, it's not exactly my style but it is beautiful.
Husband: It's definitely not your style.
His wife came over with her dress, and I rang them up and sent them on their way.
It's amazing to me the way people interact sometimes, what they think is acceptable. Like I said, had I not been in the mindset I am today, this could have messed with my head and self image for weeks.
Thankfully I don't feel that and it has only inspired me to continue to be healthy and happy. That is my one and only goal. One I can't wait to share with others.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
How To Deal...
Over the last year, I've had several people ask me how it is I deal with my stress so well.
My first thought is I don't...but that first thought is always the self doubting part of me, so I've learned/am learning to ignore those first thoughts.
Which is why over the last several months, I've looked at patterns and habits I have created to deal with my stress, and there is one constant factor.
Dancing.
Yesiree, I love to dance. Now, I will be the first to tell you that I am by no means a good dancer. I'm not a bad dancer, just not a good one. If I could dance like my older sister, I would be in dancing heaven. But it isn't to be.
However this last year and so odd months, I decided to not listen to the critical me, and decided to go for it. Whenever I feel like it.
My co-workers will even tell you that I make us take dance breaks at work. Especially when I can feel tension in the air...or when a good song comes on.
There's just something about letting go, for a moment or two, that wipes away all my worries and fears. That let's me just live in the moment and forget everything else.
So, in hopes of de-stressing my co-workers, myself, and anyone near me when the mood strikes, I get us to dance.
It's one of the best habits I've picked up. And one I will continue to use throughout my life. Try it...I promise it helps.
My first thought is I don't...but that first thought is always the self doubting part of me, so I've learned/am learning to ignore those first thoughts.
Which is why over the last several months, I've looked at patterns and habits I have created to deal with my stress, and there is one constant factor.
Dancing.
Yesiree, I love to dance. Now, I will be the first to tell you that I am by no means a good dancer. I'm not a bad dancer, just not a good one. If I could dance like my older sister, I would be in dancing heaven. But it isn't to be.
However this last year and so odd months, I decided to not listen to the critical me, and decided to go for it. Whenever I feel like it.
My co-workers will even tell you that I make us take dance breaks at work. Especially when I can feel tension in the air...or when a good song comes on.
There's just something about letting go, for a moment or two, that wipes away all my worries and fears. That let's me just live in the moment and forget everything else.
So, in hopes of de-stressing my co-workers, myself, and anyone near me when the mood strikes, I get us to dance.
It's one of the best habits I've picked up. And one I will continue to use throughout my life. Try it...I promise it helps.
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